What is a competent child?

Good question! Some people think that a child's competence is a subjective determination. Some people also think the world is flat and the moon is made of cheese. Of course there's an objective way to determine whether or not your child is competent. There are five main areas of endeavor for children, and any child who excels in at least three of these categories is to be considered "competent," A child who excels in four categories is considered "gifted," and a child who excels in all five is "exceptional." Any child who fails to excel in at least three of these areas is considered "defective," and should be returned at your earliest convenience.
The five areas are imaginary friendship, particle physics, musicology, yachtsmanship, and archery. To demonstrate excellence in these categories, the child must pass a state-licensed competence exam, which include both a written and a practical section. You should contact your congressperson to find the nearest testing facility. Children are required to take these exams before the second Monday of the second month after their eighth birthday, unless the child has an extenuating circumstance like dyslexia, asthma, or irritable bowel syndrome, in which case he or she may be eligible for an extension.
Good luck to your child on his or her test day!